look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
