someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
tell me about the fingering
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