I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
