i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
