I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
