I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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