my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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