Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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