i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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