Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
