yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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