Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
