saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
