I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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