Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
