Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
