Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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