absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
