Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
