tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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