Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
