the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
