who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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