I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
