In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
