Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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