We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
