I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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