my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
