i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
