is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
