Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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