so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
