I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
