there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
