I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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