I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
