I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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