I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
