Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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