Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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