I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
