Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
