I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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