Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
