he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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