So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
