I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
