it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
