she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
