remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
