I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just googled if crying burns calories
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
