fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
